and theres no one here but me

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

sometimes it's amazing that i can be happy the previous day and totally depressed next. and top it off, i went for a run today after much procrastination. i took the usual route and after 1.5km, i was panting. i reached the junction of yishun park and i have to make a decision on the spot. normally i would take the straight route which will take me round the circumference of the park (approx 2.8km) but i was already panting and in such a disgusting state.. so went inside yishun park instead. i decide to run park since it would be "easier" and whole distance is 2.4km. furthermore, i will not get to see those regular runners who i always see last time. im too shamed to face them. anyway to my horror, after 600m in the park i wanted to puke. i had to run up and down those slopey paths and i totally regretted my choice earlier on. in the end, i barely ran the whole of 2.4km. i guess i ran half and walked the other half.

at this point of time, something struck me. i thought about it and felt so terrible. on december 05 i took part in the singapore marathon and was so proud that i managed to finish the whole damn thing. barely a year later, i was reduced to nothing. i cant even finish a simple 2.4km. to think i even mention about rejoining the marathon. i guess it's easier said than done and im damn disappointed with myself for losing the running "momentum" during the whole of last semester.

running is (it still is) something that is very precious to me. when i was in st nicks, i could hardly do any sports. i entered njc with a bad physique and a lousy attitude but canoeing changed all that. after graduation from njc, i lost my arm power cuz i didnt bother to continue training. however, i kept my stamina. i went for runs once every fortnight and made sure the standard doesnt drop. i ran and lost alot of weight (mainly my lower body) and picked up confidence. the more i run, the more i wanted to run. i even joined the 10km second link bridge run when i was in year 1. shiyun and wanying took part with me. and thru running, i got to know ryan. and thru ryan, i gained more confidence to take part in the marathon. everything was being built up so painstakingly but i let it all slip thru my hands now.

im at this crossroad junction once again. it seems like im back to the very start when i entered J1. should i pick upself up or should i just live my days like this? who will be there to inspire me this time? who will wanna go thru all these trainings with me again?

my life needs a direction.

xoxo,amy7:35 PM

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