and theres no one here but me

Saturday, July 01, 2006

being sick is like a love-hate relationship.
sometimes you are happy when you fall sick, and sometimes it's irritating.
it depends on whether it came at the right time or not.

when i was in school last time, i love to fall sick. that's because i get to skip lessons with valid reasons. but when you fall sick on a weekend or during school holidays, you have this fucked up feeling cuz you cant do the things you wanna do.

you know when i was young, whenever i fell sick, i will have this retarded imagination of myself dying of weird diseases and thinking of who i wanna see by my death bed. it's an after-effect of watching too much mediacorp dramas with the female lead dying and the male lead swearing to devote his life/chastity to her. i always thought it's so goddamn romantic. maybe because i yearned for LOVE so much even to the extend that i did not mind dying just as long as i found LOVE. mediacorp is good, at least by doing so, many lonely souls will not commit suicide even if they hit 40 and are still single cuz they havent meet their PERFECT one YET.

but when you get attached.. it's a different story (maybe only for me). when i fall sick, i dun wanna think of dying. cuz i cant afford to see my love one standing beside my death bed and i slowly close my eyes and then dissolve into the earth. i have yet to have baby.. i have yet to experience my motherhood, i have yet to explore the world and i have yet to grow old with him. it's like a unfinished task and i hate the feeling of leaving just like that. so for now, if i get sick, i cant wait to get well again. i'll be damn paranoid if my illness doesnt go away or something like that.

for example, im having a fever now. it was 37.9deg but it rose to 39.1deg. and i FREAKED OUT. i downed many many many glasses of water and went to toilet twice in every half an hour. i checked my degree with the thermometer every 15-20minutes to make sure the temperature is not going up if not my brain will be fried. and when my temperature dropped to a 38deg, i felt relieved. but i didnt feel TOTALLY at ease yet cuz im afraid the temperature will go up in the middle of the night and i even have the thought of asking my mum to check on me at 3/4am! RARR im paranoid!! but it's good actually. at least i bother. hahaha

anyway soccer match starting in half an hour's time. everyone is watching but i guess i'll be giving it a miss. Argentina was kicked out yesterday and i was pretty disappointed by the news. aiyah never mind about soccer.. i care more about sleeping. haha good night world!

xoxo,amy10:11 PM

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